


Heh Heh Heh

by LastScorpion



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M, Red Kryptonite
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-11-17
Updated: 2010-11-17
Packaged: 2017-10-13 06:07:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,599
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/133816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LastScorpion/pseuds/LastScorpion
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remember the summer of 2003? This is an AU, done then, for 20 of the dodecal challenges. WARNINGS:non-graphic torture, possible dub-con, Clark Kent high on RedK. But it all turns out okay.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Heh Heh Heh

Note: There's a thing on "livejournal" called "svdodecals." Smallville challenges are posted from time to time, and people write little 144-word stories answering the challenges. Remember last summer, when Clark had run off to Metropolis with the Red Kryptonite ring, and Lex's plane was crashing, and Chloe had signed on to be Lionel Luthor's spy? I wrote twenty dodecals, matching the first twenty challenges they posed there. Put together in the right order, they made a story.

[Challenge #12 (possible spoilers for "Exodus")

Clark discovers that Lex is in peril. Describe his reaction and, if you like, subsequent reaction.]

Riding a motorcycle sure made your ass feel weird. Heh. Ass.

Bo (for Bovine - heh) would be pissed when he found the hog missing. Clark left it and took a walk.

Metropolitans looked, and he looked back. They sure do grow 'em pretty in the city. He saw a newsstand. "Luthor Heir Lost at Sea: New Widow Devastated"

That skank.

***

"Hey, Helen. Where's Lex?"

"Clark. Oh, my God."

"That's right. Where's Lex?"

"I'm so sorry. He didn't..."

"Saw this on TV once." Funny little pop when a finger dislocates. Funny little scream. "Where's Lex?"

"Please, Clark, oh my God..."

"We covered that." Pop. Scream. Heh. "Where's Lex?"

***

Even a warm ocean was too damn cold after sixteen hours.

Suddenly a big wet farmboy hauled up onto the wreckage, shedding water like a Labrador.

"Clark. Oh, my God."

Brilliant smile. "That's right."

 

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[Challenge #6: "It's Gotta Be Done..."

A Smallville character has a task to accomplish that he or she does not really want to do.]

Jonathan left his injured wife alone at the hospital, and went home to tend the stock. Somebody had to do it, and God knew what that boy was up to - feckless, heedless, never thinks things through...

(That's not true. He did think it through. It's your own damn fault you weren't still at Lex's wedding. It's your own damn fault the baby's dead.)

Lana was in the drive, tears on her face. He saw her compose herself. "Mr. Kent, I'm so sorry."

He took a deep breath. "Life goes on Lana. Maybe it's all for the best."

She opened her brown eyes very wide and looked at him like he was nuts. Unable to think of anything philosophical to say, Jonathan just said, "What?"

She blinked at him and bobbed her head. "Clark's run off to Metropolis!"

Oh, God.

Somebody'd have to tell Martha.

 

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[Challenge 4:

It's a certain holiday or birthday, and one of the Smallville characters is either happy or unhappy about it. Someone else makes them feel either better or worse.]

Lana was good at Memorial Day. She always kept her parents' graves so nicely, as nicely as she kept the Talon and her locker and her room at the Sullivans'.

This year she had a genuine war hero's grave to tend. Mrs. Fordman appreciated the help and the company. She appreciated the reminder of better times, when she'd had a tough old bird of a husband, and a strong, tall son full of promise, and a beautiful little girl to dream of making her daughter-in-law.

The flowers were just right. The red, white, and blue bunting on Whitney's grave looked brave, like him. Mrs. Fordman hugged her tight and called her a good girl. Lana hugged back and said that Whitney had done her proud.

Lana walked to the Talon with a spring in her step.

Mrs. Kent delivered the baked goods order alone.

 

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[Challenge 14: "Lex Takes a Holiday"

"Lex decides to get away from it all for a day or two. Maybe alone, maybe not. What does he do?"]

It was dark by the time Clark hauled them onto the sand. The southeastern Florida shore was sparkly with tourist attractions. Tacky, but Clark seemed entranced. Distant laughter drifted through the warm night.

Clark helped Lex stand, stiff from clinging to wreckage. "Guess you'll be heading back to Kansas," Clark said, eyes attracted to the gaudy lights of the nearby boardwalk.

"Aren't you?"

"Why? Florida has beaches and stuff. Disneyworld. All Kansas has is cows."

"And your parents?"

"What parents?" Then Clark looked at Lex and laughed. "Never thought a bald man could look so much like a drowned rat!" he hooted.

Lex swallowed. Clark had saved him again, but something was wrong. He didn't know what to do. After all, he had to start gathering information, and possibly planning vengeance against his wife. Wife. Oog.

"Can I tag along with you?" he asked.

 

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[Dodecal #11

The dodecal challenge: (144 words): Clark learns something about Lara, his biological mother. How does he learn it? What does he learn, or what does he do?]

The old guy kept trying to talk to him whenever Clark was asleep. It was kind of funny, in a really annoying way.

"Kal-El, my son. You have a destiny."

"Old dead guy, not my father. You have a stupid-sounding voice." Heh.

"Kal-El, my son. The people of this backward planet have great need of a leader."

"Old dead guy, not my father. You have great need of a breath mint." Heh.

"Kal-El, my son. You must rule them with strength. They are flawed. With your great power comes great responsibility."

"Jesus, guy. Give it a rest. Yes, Clark Kent, Boy Scout, was a guy who would do what he was told. Get it through your dead head, dude - I'm not that guy, and I'm not doing it. Get bent." Heh. Bent.

The ghostly, resonant voice in his head muttered, "Just like his mother."

 

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[3. Clark uses his x-ray vision in a public place: the Talon, a store, the bank. No one but Lex notices anything odd.]

Lex had watched Clark with what some might call an unhealthy fascination for two solid years. He'd seen him hunched over trying to be inconspicuous, unconsciously graceful in the strength of his effortless farm-work, drifting lost in thought when contemplating Lana Lang.

In Florida, Clark was a completely different person.

Clark sauntered down the boardwalk, grinning, challenging the men by staring them in the eyes, and blatantly checking out the women. Clark's "Heh heh heh" varied from impressed to scornful, based on no criteria that Lex could make out.

Finally, after one particularly ill-concealed bout of scoffing, Lex complained. "Clark," he whispered. "What do you think you're doing?"

Clark stopped, turned, and looked Lex over thoroughly, head to toe and back again. The smile on Clark's face made Lex blush, which was a new and almost completely unpleasant experience.

Shit. Clark had x-ray vision.

 

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[New dodecal topic #15: 144 words: "Write something involving Clark and/or Lex and a flower or flowers - real or artificial, gifts or growing wild, in Nell Potter's shop or the Nicodemus plant, or anything else."]

After surviving his second bride-induced-homicide-attempt within one year, Lex decided to just let go for a while. He tried not to think about how Clark had gotten them into the Magic Kingdom, or whether Clark had stolen the popcorn, or why he was wearing Mickey Mouse ears. ("Heh heh heh. Don't wanna sunburn your head, Lex.") He especially didn't think about what must have happened to Clark to change him so.

"Hey, look! C'mon!"

A huge crowd seethed in front of the big Mickey-Mouse-shaped floral display at the park's main entrance. A woman with a microphone was talking earnestly into a boxy TV camera. Clark elbowed their way through the mob until they were perfectly centered in front of the big flowerbed. He waved at the camera, put bunny ears up behind the newsperson's head, then grabbed Lex by the face and kissed him.

 

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[Challenge 13: Loss

"Someone in Smallville has lost something important. It's up to you whether you want it to be found, but show us who, and what"]

Lana always provided newspapers for her customers to read while they were enjoying their coffee and pastries at the Talon. She had the _Ledger_ every day, and on Sundays she liked to have both the _Daily Planet_ and the _Gotham News_. She loved to look through the big city newspapers' travel sections, and displayed them prominently in her fretwork newspaper rack near the napkins.

Pete was nursing a small hangover and a large latte one July Sunday when Clark's dad came up and shook the _Planet_ 's travel section at him. "Look at this!" Mr. Kent spluttered. "Just look! That! That! And Luthor! C'mon!"

Mr. Kent clapped on and hauled Pete out of the coffee shop. He brought the newspaper, too.

Pete didn't know whether Mr. Kent had lost his temper or just his mind. However, one thing seemed clear.

They were going to Disneyworld.

 

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[Challenge 16: Old Habits Die Hard

"Someone in Smallville changes an old habit. It can be a good habit or a bad one. Just show us what happens!"]

It had been thirteen years.

Every single night since the heavens had sent her a little boy to mother, Martha had peeked into his room. She'd awaken sometime between midnight and dawn and silently pad down the hallway, or lately even out to the barn, just to take a quick look, make sure her Clark was still breathing.

He'd been gone for months. She couldn't stop searching for him. Every night, two a.m., careful not to wake Jon, she'd look into his empty room, slip sandals onto her feet and go check the loft. Fruitless.

Today Jonathan learned something, loaded up the truck and Pete and swore to bring her boy back.

The house was empty. She made coffee and settled in the kitchen with a huge pile of mending. If she didn't sleep, she wouldn't wake up, wouldn't uselessly look for her son.

 

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[2. There is an accident with a vehicle or piece equipment of machinery. Another character offers to help. The situation comes to either a good or bad resolution.

This doesn't really fit the topic that well.]

"You want to do the Haunted Mansion again?" Lex may have let a note of disbelief creep into his voice.

"C'mon, Lex. It'll be cool." Clark nudged Lex roguishly. Lex's shoulder was already bruised from numerous earlier nudges. "Heh heh heh. I'll stop the ride again..."

"Clark!" Lex uneasily looked around the surrounding crowd. Nobody appeared to be paying attention.

His mercurial companion seemed suddenly bored. Again. "Fine, whatever. If I'd known you were going to be so yawnworthy, I would've rescued Chloe or someone from their crashed plane."

Lex knew from the past few days that he had about two seconds to grab Clark and divert him, or he'd be gone in a flash. Lex might or might not ever be able to find him again.

"Hey!" he exclaimed, twining an arm around Clark's neck. "Wanna see if you can break Splash Mountain?"

 

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[Challenge 18:

"A Smallville character receives a telephone call, which could be either good news or bad. Another character may be listening."]

Clark had clearly gone insane.

This was the third Disneyworld restroom Clark had decided to "christen." Lex wasn't averse to the actual activity, but it was so unlike Clark that he was worried.

Lex could be quiet, and Clark seemed to be habitually quiet, so it wasn't surprising that Lex could hear the man using the payphone just outside the restroom. What was surprising was who it was.

"Martha? Pete and I made it here."

Lex made himself breathe.

"It's just a matter of time now."

Clark's hands were like iron where they held Lex's head still.

"Don't worry. We got that ring off him before. We'll do it again."

Ring? Lex refused to look at Clark's school ring.

"Love you." The man outside hung up.

Clark finished. Lex swallowed. Clark pulled him up into a messy kiss.

Now Lex knew what to do.

 

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[Dodecal challenge (#5): 144 words: "Clark is endangered by green kryptonite (we can use the word now!) and is rescued by someone who doesn't understand what is happening."]

Lex decided New Orleans Square was the best place to see and be seen. Besides, Clark seemed to love making out with him in the dark of the Haunted Mansion.

The plan worked; Jonathan and Pete soon ambushed them at the ride's exit. Lex felt Clark falter, saw his skin darken and his eyes grow dim, before he spotted the two Smallvillians.

Pete held open a metal box. Its green glow increased steadily as he approached. Jonathan wielded bolt cutters. "Steady, son," he said as he advanced. Lex held tight to Clark. He wanted them to help him, bring him home. Didn't he?

Suddenly, six hyper kids flew past, knocking the box from Pete's hands. It landed yards away.

Clark grinned. "Nice try." He snatched Lex's arm. Before Lex could draw another breath, they were clear back to Main Street.

Clark laughed and laughed.

 

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[1. Clark is afraid of something, and someone helps him.]

Plan A had failed. Time for Plan B.

Plan B started with greasy food - popcorn, churros, chicken. (Lube would be better but wasn't readily available.) The rest of Plan B was just Lex sticking close to Clark's ring-hand and awaiting his chance.

Epcot had a new ride. "Mission: Earth" used a giant centrifuge to simulate rocket flight. Clark laughed and groped Lex throughout the line and the countdown. At the fake roar of takeoff, though, Clark's eyes widened, and he gripped the armrest hard. Lex got Clark to hold his hand instead, stroking reassuringly and hoping not to lose a digit as the ride simulated two G's acceleration and Clark started to really panic. At the imitation asteroid storm, Clark briefly froze with terror. Lex seized the moment, deftly removed the ring and flicked it away.

He hoped he could handle whatever came next.

 

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[Challenge #19: The challenge: 144 words: "Write about a first kiss, or what leads up to it, or what follows it. You may use any of the Smallville characters.]

With the ring gone, Lex took the lead, got them out to the parking lot, and made Clark locate his dad's battered truck. They sat on the bumper, waiting for Jonathan and Pete to find them again.

Finally Clark spoke. Lex barely heard him.

"Sorry."

"For what?" Lex asked gently.

Clark blinked for a while, eyes fixed on the pavement. "Everything," he whispered. "I killed mom's baby."

Lex didn't believe it, but only said, "I'm sure it was an accident."

"What I did to you. That was..." Clark's voice dwindled to nothing. He still wouldn't look at Lex.

"You didn't force me."

"I would've." Lex saw tears on his face.

"It's okay. Really. I liked it."

Clark looked unconvinced.

"We have a destiny. Whatever happens, whatever we do to each other. You're mine, and I'm yours. Forever."

Clark looked up, and Lex kissed him.

(Okay, yes, they kissed before. But this is the first time Clark was in his right mind! And this is the first time Lex kissed Clark instead of vice-versa! Yeah, yeah. I was starting to run out of challenges.)

 

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[Challenge #7: Surprise!

"A Smallville character (or characters) receives a surprise. A surprise that's either welcome, unwelcome, or both. Describe what happens!"]

Jonathan refused to feel discouraged. They'd found Clark once; surely they could do it again.

Pete chattered incessantly as they trudged back to the truck.

"Man!" Pete exclaimed. "He's fast! Couldn't even see him move! And what's he doin' with Luthor? Thought we finally seen the last of him! Clark must've rescued him again! What's up with that?"

Jonathan tuned Pete out. They were at the edge of the huge lot, past most of the tired tourists. His heart beat faster when he saw two men at the truck. Yes! Clark and Lex! Pete hadn't seen them. Clark looked subdued, defeated - not ordinarily how a man wants to see his son, but it must mean Lex had tricked Clark out of that dang ring. Lex seemed to be trying to cheer Clark up; suddenly Clark looked at Lex, and Lex kissed him.

Well, Hell.

 

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[Challenge #9: "What Happened?" ("produce" scene from "Metamorphosis")

Dialogue from episode 2, "Metamorphosis," season 1

(scene: Luthor Manor, the room with the Trojan War diorama)

Lex: Save any lives on your way over? Keep this up and you could make a career out of it.

Clark: Just dropping off your produce. Sorry my parents gave you a hard time.

Lex: Aw, if push came to shove, I would've arm-wrestled them for it.

What's the story behind this conversation? Why did Lex decide he wanted produce? How did he try to get it? Why the hard time? What were the specifics? What was the mentioned conversation like? Give us more information on what sparked this exchange!

(Thanks to Leah for taking dictation from the S'ville DVD.)]

Pete rushed ahead. "Clark! You okay?"

Clark didn't look up. Lex warily stood and greeted them. "Mr. Kent. Pete."

"Lex," Jonathan replied.

The world goes as it will, not as we would will it.

"Pete, get Clark into the back. Keep an eye on him. Lex, you ride up front with me.

For a wonder, nobody argued. They headed for Kansas.

Miles passed. Darkness fell. Lex said, "Mr. Kent..."

"Don't."

"I..."

"Lex. Shut up."

Apparently, Lex just couldn't keep still. "Clark saved my life again. I know you..."

"I never know what you know!" Jonathan exploded. "You didn't know you don't give a kid a truck for saving your life! Or that you can't buy Clark's friendship! Or that if you pay us for produce, you by God get produce!"

"Mr. Kent," Lex protested.

"I saw you kiss him, Lex!"

That shut him up.

 

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[Challenge 17: Chloe's Discovery

In which Chloe learns something about Clark that she didn't know before.]

Clark was thoroughly grounded. He needed permission to be out of his dad's sight and couldn't leave the property until school started.

He deserved worse.

Chloe was in the kitchen one afternoon after chores. She looked sophisticated and grown-up. She smiled at him. He managed to smile back.

"How was your summer?" Chloe asked.

What could Clark say? I stole from you, Lionel Luthor, and dozens of Floridians. I blew up my spacecraft and killed mom's baby. I tortured a woman for information. I kidnapped Lex, raped him repeatedly, and fell in love.

"Fine," he said. "How about yours?"

Chloe had felt bad about researching Clark for Lionel. It's not nice to spy on your friends.

As they engaged in meaningless chitchat, and she watched Clark lie, she realized something that made her feel both better and worse.

They weren't really friends anymore.

 

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[Dodecal #10 - An unexpected catastrophe mars Lex's wedding preparations. What is it? Describe and enjoy doing it.]

Clark could go nowhere but school. Visitors were allowed only in the kitchen with a parent present. Martha thought it a little harsh, but she had faith in Jonathan's judgment.

The second week of school, Lex stood at her kitchen door again. "Come in," she said. She hadn't seen him since everything happened.

"Thank you, Mrs. Kent. Is Clark - may I see Clark?"

"He'll be back any minute. You'll have to visit in here, I'm afraid."

Was Lex fidgeting?

Clark came in and froze.

"Clark." Lex sounded oddly gentle.

"Lex. I..."

"I should never have married Helen. When the JP got sick, and the cake was recalled, and you didn't show, and your parents left, I should have known."

Clark glanced up at Lex shyly. It was a more direct look than he'd given anyone since he got back.

"I should have known, Clark."

 

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[Dodecal20

#20. A Smallville character has regrets. Describe.]

When Clark got home, he found Lex chatting with Martha.

"Hey, Clark," Lex greeted him.

"Hi," Clark answered, with a flash of the brilliant grin that had become such a rarity.

"Homework, sweetie?" Martha asked.

Clark was starting to believe that she was still his Mom, even after everything. It wasn't easy to look her in the eyes, though.

"English," Clark faltered, unpacking his books. "Thousand word essay. What I Did on My Summer Vacation." Martha dropped a dish, and Clark flinched. "I know," he whispered, "but they already let me make up all last year's exams. I can't just skip it."

Clark looked at them, two people he was almost sure loved him, and he couldn't bear the weight of their gaze. He put his head down on the kitchen table.

Lex touched Clark's hair. "Maybe they'll let you write about something else."

 

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[A new dodecal challenge (#8):

Lex invites Clark to go with him to a night club in Metropolis. Jonathan tells Clark he can't go. What does Clark do?]

Jonathan couldn't miss the way Clark's face brightened when he saw Lex waiting for him.

"Did you ask?"

"I was just about to. Mr. Kent, now that Clark's allowed to go out again, I wondered if I could take him into Metropolis to a club I know. Next Friday's Halloween; they'll be having a Teen Night. No alcohol, just music and dancing. I thought we..."

"No."

"Mr. Kent, I assure you..."

"No."

Clark was looking at the ground again.

Much to Jonathan's own surprise, he said, "Here's what you can do instead. Movies. Grandville. Home by eleven."

Jonathan remembered something Mrs. Potter used to shout from the porch when he'd come to pick up Nell.

"Don't anybody get pregnant!" he called.

Martha's eyes went wide; Clark blushed beet-red and hauled Lex away to the car; even Lex's ears got pink.

Heh heh heh.


End file.
